Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
