Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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