so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
