i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
