Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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