How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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