I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience π€·π»ββοΈ
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Stop saving videos when youβre using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks Iβm into that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
