can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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