You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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