Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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