the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
