Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
