he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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