So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
