this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
