trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
