I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
