There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
