you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
