well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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