Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
