She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
