So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
