Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
