so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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