I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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