I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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