I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
