my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
