i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize