i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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