He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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