we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
