After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
tell me about the eggs
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