WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
