I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dicks are not precious.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
