a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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