i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
