u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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