Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
