Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
