Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How's work?
Spinning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
