READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
