god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
