Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
