If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
