you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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