booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
