Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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