i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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