Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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