I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize