Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
