I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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