I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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