He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
