Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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