Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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