Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
