trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
