never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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