My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
