And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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