you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is classic penis vs brain.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
