Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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