I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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