I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
