how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
