I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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