My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
