He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize