I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize