If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize